


June Egbert Remakes Con-Air

by Griever1337



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Con-Air Gets Remade, Drabble, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 20:23:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19731127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Griever1337/pseuds/Griever1337
Summary: June Egbert comes to the realization that her favorite movie could use a little bit more girl power.





	June Egbert Remakes Con-Air

JUNE: you know, i still love con-air, but wow.  
JUNE: girls really don't get to do very much in it, which kinda fucking sucks?  
ROSE: I'm glad that, after all these years, something made you realize this movie was terrible.  
ROSE: Even if it's not exactly what I'd expect your epiphany to sprout from.  
JUNE: that's not even what i'm saying!  
JUNE: i'm just saying like, it could use a little bit more...  
JUNE: i dunno. i think there should be a girl version of it, kinda like how there was a girl version of ocean's eleven or whatever.  
JUNE: which was actually really pretty fun?  
ROSE: I thought that was a continuation in the context of that universe, and not an alternate version.  
JUNE: anyways, that's why i'm making an all girls version of con-air.  
JUNE: you can be john malkovich's character!   
ROSE: Give me a handgun and a stuffed bunny and I'll be there.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

TEREZI: SO WH4T YOU'R3 T3LL1NG M3 1S TH4T YOU'R3 PL4NN1NG ON M4K1NG 4N 3XTR3M3LY 4M4T3UR PRODUCT1ON OF YOUR 4LL T1M3 F4VOR1T3 MOV13  
TEREZI: BUT W1TH OBSC3N3 L3V3LS OF YOUR HUM4N G1RL POW3R TO M4K3 UP FOR 1TS CR1M3S 4G41NST F1LM 4S 4 M3D14  
JUNE: i mean, it's not JUST human girl power, terezi.  
JUNE: you're playing the main character!  
TEREZI: >:?  
JUNE: basically you get to punch out a bunch of criminals on a plane all in order to return home to your loving wife and child.  
TEREZI: OH OK4Y TH4T'S PR3TTY COOL 4CTU4LLY?  
JUNE: see, you've spent seven years apart from your wife because you protected her from rowdy drunks at a bar, and went to prison, and you'd do anything to see her again, and also your baby girl who you've never been able to meet in person.  
TEREZI: WOW UH  
TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS SURPR1S1NGLY R3L3V4NT  
JUNE: huh. it kinda does, doesn't it?

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

VRISKA: June, give me one reason why I should participate in a version of Con-Air where Nicolas Cage isn't parading around in a muscle-8aring wife8eater.  
JUNE: terezi's playing nic cage's part.  
VRISKA: ........  
VRISKA: Okay, fine, you've convinced me! I'll play the part of Tricia Poe.  
JUNE: i thought you'd want to play someone cool like cusack's character-  
VRISKA: This is non-negotia8le, June!!!!!!!!  
JUNE: you're just that excited to play terezi's wife, aren't you?  
VRISKA: Well, er.  
VRISKA: May8e a little.  
JUNE: god, you two are adorable.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JUNE: alright, i think i’m going to cast you as steve buscemi’s character, and then move onto carapacians, trolls, and humans i don’t know who are already movie stars or something.  
JUNE: or maybe it’d be better to just find some theater students.  
JADE: june im really glad youre so excited for all of this  
JADE: but are there any sex scenes?   
JADE: because i am super down to do any of those  
JUNE: jade you watched this movie with me before already, you should know the answer to that.  
JADE: oh yeah  
JADE: …  
JADE: we need to write in a couple sex scenes  
JUNE: we’re not doing that!

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JUNE: hey jane, want to be in my all-girls con-air remake?  
JANE: Well this comes as somewhat of a shock! I didn’t think you wanted anything to do with me!  
JUNE: yeah, well, i need people to play horrible criminals - just the absolute worst humanity has to offer.   
JUNE: and that's when i thought of you!  
JANE: …  
JANE: You don’t really want me in this movie.  
JUNE: nope! byyyeee!!!

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JUNE: so yeah. i’m gonna be john cusack’s character, vince larkin.  
JUNE: i basically get to yell into a phone a bunch and steal my asshole coworker’s car.  
KARKAT: I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT TO WATCH THIS TRAINWRECK OF AN AMATEUR FILM, EGBERT.  
JUNE: cheers to that, karkat! i can’t wait either.  
DAVE: for the record june i am loving your enthusiasm but like  
DAVE: you cant direct for shit no offense  
DAVE: i just want you to know beforehand that like  
DAVE: this is going to fucking suck  
JUNE: you said that about con-air, and it’s STILL my favorite movie!  
JUNE: so i think it’ll probably be fine!  
DAVE: if you say so  
DAVE: listen if you want someone to be your cinematography guy i can do that  
DAVE: or any other like  
DAVE: technical-centric stuff involved with making films that most of us know jack shit about  
JUNE: that’s very kind of you.  
JUNE: here’s your camera!  
DAVE: this is a phone  
JUNE: yep! it sure is. and its camera is pretty good if i say so myself!  
DAVE: i was going to tell you that you really dont know what youre doing but this is honestly my preferred way of filming so lets fucking do this  
JUNE: yeah!!!  


  



End file.
